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"Never eat more than you can lift."

"Health food makes me sick."

"My mom made two dishes: Take it or Leave it."

"Everything you see I owe to spaghetti."

"A film is a petrified fountain of thought."

"The only way to get rid of my fears is to make films about them."

"There's no thief like a bad movie."

“Cell phone dependency is now called compulsive communicating. Chain dialers call continually to get another fix.”

"Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's."

"How come wrong numbers are never busy?"

"For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news."

"For news of the heart, ask the face."

"The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off."

"I don't make it in regular channels, and that's okay for me."

"Beer the cause of and solution to all of life's little problems"

"TV is chewing gum for the eyes."

"Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done."

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